@kay_bee28: Told my mum someone had been shot and she asked with what? I wanted to reply 'with a cutlass' but I want her to pay for masters...
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Trump is blaming Sanders supporters for the violence at his rally because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a Jew for your problems.
@david8hughes: [meeting at round table] "King Arthur, if I may?" "Go ahead." "Castles but bouncier." "Bouncy castles?" "But you gotta take your shoes off."