@kay_bee28: Told my mum someone had been shot and she asked with what? I wanted to reply 'with a cutlass' but I want her to pay for masters...
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@skitzoette: As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I'm going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
@ANastyGorilla: If Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black were both drowning and you could only save one, would you grab a bite to eat or finish mowing the lawn?