@chadopitz: Tom Cruise does all of his own stunts because death is the only way out of the Church of Scientology.
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@mortimermaiden: Me: I need to go to the doctor but my car won't start. Mechanic: Did you try jumping it? Me: Of course, how did you think I broke my legs?
@Breadery: There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life's face to find she has deflated in the night.