@IamEveryDayPpl: Tom Cruise still does his own stunts at 55 and I just pulled a muscle reaching for the toilet paper...
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@SirEviscerate: Sorry the edible underwear weren't edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment.
@skickwriter: Him: *running* That's not what they mean when they say, "Chicks dig scars!" Me: *shovel in hand* It's what this chick means.
@chris_isloi: Whenever someone is about to tell me about their day, I just cover my ears and yell "SPOILER ALERT!"
@Izianikapani: "I refuse to be part of an apartheid system that reveres whiteness and segregates those of colour" "Just do the damn laundry"