@primawesome: Tommy Lee Jones always looks like his son just told him he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
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@Rollmaninoz: *pterodactyl wakes his wife up pissing at 3am* WIFE: I thought your pee was supposed to be silent!!!
@AndyAsAdjective: Dog shampoo was on sale & cheaper than my normal shampoo so it looks like I'm going to have a shiny, healthy coat for the next few weeks.
@beefman138: 3 : Daddy, can we watch Frozen? Me : Sorry, darling. We can't watch Frozen in the summer because all the characters will melt.