@hdaniels_00: Tomorrow I'm going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
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@daemonic3: GOOD COP: He won't talk except in sign language BAD COP: I just cut off his left hand BAD PUN COP: He still has the right to remain silent
@NYC_Blonde: If I ever get a dog I'm going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine.
@TheCatWhisprer: Made it to the level of old where I turned down a beer so it wouldn't mess with the aftertaste of the milkshake I just had.
@Home_Halfway: "Can I buy you a drink?" Sure! What's your name? "Uhh. I don't know. I never get this far" You don't know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool