@dxblarssonENG: Tomorrow is bring your hangover to work day.
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@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend's father got mad that I proposed to her without asking him first but there's just no way I would ever marry that guy.
@Sassafrantz: If I'm ever reincarnated I hope I get to be a bear because I'll be like "stop playing dead, I used to be human. That shits not gonna work!"
@thepunningman: Hot mothers in your area want you to text them to let them know you got home ok.
@tastefactory: SOLDIER: Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Foxtrot Lima Yankee India Sierra Delta Oscar Whiskey November CAPTAIN: Lima Oscar Lima!