@mattZillaaaa: Tomorrow is my company's office holiday potluck. I really hope they like the french fries I found between my car seat
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@better_off_dad: CAT scans are just like regular scans, only the techs push you off the table after.
@jakob_huber: One of the most romantic things a rose can do for another rose is leave a trail of human body parts from the front door to the bedroom.
@SaveItForFest: You see me wildly flailing my arms. Did I: a) Walk through a spider web? b) Try to wrap something in Saran wrap? c) Try to use Scotch tape?