@mattZillaaaa: Tomorrow is my company's office holiday potluck. I really hope they like the french fries I found between my car seat
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@crunchenhancer: Never go to a combination dentist / proctologist..... but if you do, get the dental work first.
@ThaJawn: Phill: *gets stung by a stingray Me: *pees on his wound Phill: That only works on jellyfish stings Me: Oh shit, I thought you were dead!
@BuckyIsotope: *shows up to date with broken nose* "What happened?" Hurt myself playing football "How?" Threw the controller at a wall and it bounced back
@abbycohenwl: My retirement plan is to buy several red polo shirts & anytime I need anything, go steal it from Target