@NYC_Blonde: Tomorrow is the 4th of July which means one thing, it's going to be a really big day for nail art Instagram photos.
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@HonestToddler: Parents: It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee next to parked cars.
@SirEviscerate: I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The piñata is unscathed.
@DanMentos: ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking... and this [copilot starts sick beatbox] is your captain rapping ALL OUT OF FUEL ALL OUT