@SortaBad: tonight at the bar, ask a woman if you can buy her a drink. If she says yes, hand that lucky lady a Starbucks gift card and walk away
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@WilliamAder: Auto-correct turned "likeable" into "lickable" and the new intern is confused by her evaluation.
@thepunningman: Dr "Do you want the good news or the bad news?" Patient "Good" Dr "You have 6 months to live" P "What's the bad news!?" Dr "...in dog years"
@CulturedRuffian: *at the gym* Trainor: Have a donut. Me: Wow! Sure! T: Here's some pizza. M: What kind of trainer are you? T: I'm a Megan Trainor.
@Try2StopME: Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze.