@shariv67: Tonight I'm going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I'll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza.
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@ThisOneSayz: My mother's scale of concern: 1 missed call = I am busy with the kids. 2 missed calls = I am being murdered in a ditch.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [Last Supper] Jesus: *holds up bread* This is my body *holds up wine* This is my blood And this is Sparta! *kicks Judas into a pit*
@rantingmd: getting sick of watching movies where johnny depp dresses like a hobo. I blame him for russel brand
@Eatingyourwords: cut a hole in the bottom of my tub of popcorn while on a date so when she goes for some she accidentally grabs a copy of my mixtape