@longwall26: Tonight, people who are weaker, slower, and dumber than you will deliver bags of treats to your very doorstep. Seize this moment.
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@novicefather: Pour your beer in a coffee cup because sometimes walking around with a beer during breakfast is frowned upon.
@YesitsAl: Wife thinks I was present for every conversation she's had with anyone, ever, and assumes I know what the hell she's talking about right now
@FatherWithTwins: Stickiest things in the world: 3) Lollipops 2) Glue 1) Children's library books