@WheelTod: Tonight playing poker with a buddy he said "Care to make this interesting?" And I said "Sure. For years I've been secretly in love with you"
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@pinningnut: It's a dark stormy night. You're scared & alone. You hear a bump in the night. You jump! You scream! Then your cat comes in the house drunk.
@theprojectclub: Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?" "Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter" "Thanks dad" "No problem Alan"
@Thynebear: Teacher: You can do anything you set your mind to [I try to sneak outta class but somehow mess up the pull door twice] Except maybe that guy
@Chumpstring: [prison] PRISONER: what's for breakfast GUARD: every meal is bread & water PRISONER: [is a duck] oh baby