@HonestToddler: Tonight's bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ColoradoCrow: Im going to change my name on Facebook to "Benefits", so that when you add me it will say, "You are now friends with benefits"
@ArfMeasures: Me: This is my parrot. I call him a repeat offender! Date: Haha because you say something and he says it back to you Me: He's murdered 7 people
@CheetoBandito77: I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn't reach the cookies in the cupboard.