@BEEAAARR: Too bad Anne Frank never saw Home Alone. Could have been a serious game changer in my opinion.
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@david8hughes: [baby sitting] "Hey, yeah it's me. No, everything's fine. Just a quick question about his legs." "..." "So how many legs did he have?"
@VerifiedJayy: Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades. Wait til spring Enjoy
@FeralCrone: Listen, you should really give your mother a call. She's concerned that "the haters" in her Zumba class are organizing and gaining power.
@krisv_723: Me: Siri, how hot does fire need to be to burn a body. Siri: Kris, we go over this once a week. Make a note.