@slimmy_shady: *too embarrassed to buy condoms**buys 3D printer**makes gun**robs condom factory*
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@TheCiscoKidder: My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like.
@jrza84: HI I'M GOING TO HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLY LOUD YET PRIVATE PHONE CALL ON THIS BUS AND EXHIBIT A STUNNING LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS. THANK YOU.
@aka_fatman: "I finally caught up with my son." "That's good. Progress. How did it go?" "Badly. I cut off his hand THEN told him." - Vader & therapist