@slimmy_shady: *too embarrassed to buy condoms**buys 3D printer**makes gun**robs condom factory*
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@Matt_The_1st: Me: "Hey doc, what's that condition where you wake up and everything hurts?" Doctor: "40"
@Douchekevin: You'll know when it hits 0 degrees because all the Canadians will be wearing shorts, playing frisbee and BBQing outside.
@TheMichaelRock: It's difficult to be romantic when your dog always eats the trail of McNuggets leading to the bedroom.