@robfee: Being a DJ is tough because sometimes iTunes won't open.
@JKickinit30: *takes big toke of joint*
Waitress: Sir... that's a burrito.
@Sarcasticsapien: I think first dates should just be writing down the bad stuff from your past and sliding it across the table like you're making an offer.
@koalaslament: I hate it when I go to clean my daughters room & I emerge 3 hours later having just finished a delightful tea party with a giraffe & a pony.
@topaz_kell: Gonorrhea is the name of the medication used to treat diarrhea, right?
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