@slimmy_shady: *too embarrassed to buy condoms**buys 3D printer**makes gun**robs condom factory*
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@MmeSurly: My favorite thing about famous people is that they can be "brave" and "daring" by just leaving the house in stupid looking clothes.
@SwedishCanary: When birds poop on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just so they know what I'm capable of.
@Book_Krazy: Yeah sex is great, but have you ever rubbed your eyes for a really long time? O. M. G.
@gruffybeard: 9: Daddy, wanna hear something cool? Me: Sure! 9: *tells story* Me: Ok, well clearly we need to work on how you define "something cool".