@iamMunga: Too many kids crying. I'm never having kids.I'm just gonna adopt an adult who has a job already.
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@CubanaMama82: The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
@legreece: My dog doesn't always bark like there's an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I'm home alone and in the shower.
@rocknthepurple: My right eye is twitching like it's at some kind of techno dance party that the rest of me wasn't invited to.
@david8hughes: *on deathbed* "Son u were *cough* ado-" "Dad? I was adopted?!" "A dot of misery on my otherwise happy life. I don't know why we adopted u."