@iamMunga: Too many kids crying. I'm never having kids.I'm just gonna adopt an adult who has a job already.
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@kelkulus: Every time God closes a door, he opens a window, thereby wasting electricity on air conditioning, causing climate change and dooming us all.
@ericsshadow: SON: I'm moving out as soon as I turn 18 and you can't stop me. ME: [pumping fist] If you insist.
@Togsbabble: My dog eats his puke and dirty tissues... but I point him to a mushroom I dropped and he gives me the "what is this shit" look.