@illiter8too: Took a decongestant and now I can smell time.
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@batkaren: ROBOT: You cannot defeat us ENGLISH TEACHER: Why's the ch pronounced differently in orchid than in orchard? ROBOT: [twitch, spark]
@Petote: A baby and I locked eyes. I panicked, but thankfully I didn't cry first. Haha stupid baby, I win.
@Sarcasticsapien: Interviewer: Where were you born? Me: Missouri. I: What state are you in now? M: Apathy. I: That's not what I meant. M: I don't care.
@AskAuntieEm1: I can't seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don't need their assistance in the bathroom.