@illiter8too: Took a decongestant and now I can smell time.
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@SimplyRetard: "*RING**RING* in the middle Of night! "Hello?" "Hey man are you home?" "No dude i just picked up my house phone from Burger King."
@GypsyWingss: Mom: a little birdie told me you got drunk last night Me: you're the one friggen talking to birds
@mydanimarie: Sometimes I order Domino's but give them Pizza Hut's address. And when they show up and start fighting, just wait with my mouth open.