@Parker_Simpson: Took a screenshot with my iPhone with the intention of texting a picture of my cracked screen.So the answer is no I didn't graduate college.
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@AthenaMystique: 20 year old me: *imagines awesome career, travelling the world, being in love* 32 year old me: *tweets*
@murrman5: "911" you gotta help, my wife is in labour in the backseat "how far apart are the contractions?" about 2 miles but I'm driving pretty fast
@MakeYourBedlam: I like reserving tables at restaurants using unique names so I can hear the hostess announce, "Optimus Prime? Your table for 5 is ready!"
@Illiter8: The tattoos in your shirtless avi say 'bad boy'; the flowered wallpaper behind you scream 'living in mom's sewing room'.