@Brianhopecomedy: Took me 5 minutes to pick up the soap I dropped in the shower so I hope I never commit a felony.
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@david8hughes: [throws a dart at map of the world] One day, I'm gonna go over there & pull that dart out. The next time I wanna play darts, probably.
@weinerdog4life: A good way to make friends is to crawl under the bathroom stall quickly before they can get away
@ryangriffiths: People that say "The worst kind of cut is a paper cut" probably haven't been stabbed in the face before.
@WillSaysStuff: welcome back to guitar 101 everybody. what now, steve? uh, hey. are you gonna make the 'snapped my g-string' joke? no *steve leaves*