@_youhadonejob1: Took me ages.
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@seandunn76: Ever notice how a piece of lint on a sheet can look like a scary insect? Unrelated, is anyone selling a mattress? Mine is on fire.
@shanethevein: The doctor asked if I was sexual active. I shook my head and said "Not in front of the wife".
@BoogTweets: [Interrogation] Cop: this guy looks like a cop if you ask me *intercom* you need to be on this side of the mirror, Carl
@IntrepidDeviant: What if Jesus actually walked on Walter and that whole water thing was a typo that no one corrected coz there was no Twitter?