@michaelianblack: Took me three hours to drive home through the snow, but it was worth it because when I got home, my family totally ignored me.
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@iamhorcrux: Grading system for students in India: A - Average B - Below average C - Can't have dinner D - Don't come home F - Find a new family
@HanaMichels: I've yet to find a romantic comedy that speaks to me. Maybe if they set it in an institution or an Arby's restroom.
@CulturedRuffian: INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS: 1) Know when to hold em. 2) Know when to fold em. 3) Know when to walk away. 4) Know when to run.
@stephenjmolloy: [Interrogation room] Good cop: "Confess and we will go easy on you" Sweet tooth cop: "You bes- *hears music* -ICE CREAM MAN!" *runs outside*