@joe_binkley: Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise... Turns out it was just a Pitbull song on the radio.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sarcasticsapien: Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
@HatfieldAnne: I will not buy ornamental gourds this year! I WILL NOT BUY GOURDS! *buys all the gourds (and a hay bale)
@mommywhitfield: Apparently, "I understand why some animals eat their young," is not a socially acceptable answer when someone asks you how you're doing. Whatever.
@dafloydsta: [at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: What kind of body do you want to have? ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human