@joe_binkley: Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise... Turns out it was just a Pitbull song on the radio.
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@WildeThingy: Gabriel "Really? That's how you want humans to reproduce?" God "Trust me. It will be hilarious."
@TheBoydP: If you don’t believe in evolution how do you explain such striking similarities between the doughnut and the bagel?
@trims_the_fat: I put winks at the end of texts to add a confusing air of creepy. "Making breakfast. ;)" "Walking the dog. ;)" "Broke in to your house ;)"