@joe_binkley: Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise... Turns out it was just a Pitbull song on the radio.
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@david8hughes: God: write this down Moses [grabs tablet]: shoot God: thou shalt have no- Moses: slow down, pal. It's gonna take me an hour to carve 'Thou'
@TheHyyyype: [knock on door] JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: do you have a few minutes to talk about jesus? ME (hates gossip): no