@joe_binkley: Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise... Turns out it was just a Pitbull song on the radio.
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@michaelianblack: "Man of Steel" is about a boy learning how to control his alien body. It is a two and a half hour allegory about puberty.
@SatansTongue: *walks in stumbling* Jesus, Paul how much have you had?!? "Just a couple shots" Oh that's not bad then *flashback to Paul injecting heroin*
@Faux_Ma: At my job interview today the Boss said, "You're shaking, don't be so nervous." So I told him, "Oh, I'm not nervous, I'm an alcoholic."
@Cunda22: Don't ever mistake me for someone who hasn't flirted with danger. I've got bitten by a Penguin. Twice.