@joe_binkley: Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise... Turns out it was just a Pitbull song on the radio.
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@dreamthievin: Left a plaster cast of my mouth at the bakery so they know exactly how big to bake the cupcakes
@Chumpstring: ME: i don't trust salesmen SALESMAN: OH MY GOD LOOK OUT FOR THAT CAR ME: oh shit where SALESMAN: right over here isn't she a beaut
@cbdoubleu: "Are you seeing anyone?" Me: lately I've been seeing this squiggly floaty thing on my peripheral vision. Floaty thing: We're just friends.