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@: took my mom to detective pikachu she said she liked the “garlic pokemon”
@_Kim_Jongun: For the last time, I don't have any secret prison camps.
Anyone who doesn't believe me will be sent to a secret prison camp.
@Henry_3000: Internal monologue during wedding vows: *Did she just say 'resistance is futile'?*
@KrissiBex: My family said if I don’t get a Facebook, they’d all get a Twitter
I sacrificed myself for all of twitter kind
I’m the Jesus of social media
@prufrockluvsong: *curtsying before the royal duck court*
@ArfMeasures: Boss: We've just found out that one of you is a sloth
Jim: oh no
Jo: oh no
Karl: oh no
Boss: obviously we will need to
Me: oh no