@llvvzz: Top three perverts that see you when you're sleeping:
@TraciRos: I'm forever disappointed that a group of squids isn't called a squad.
@shhrugg: If I was hanging off a cliff for my life and you told me to take your hand I would stop screaming to tell you I'm afraid of intimacy
@rdthought: Girlfriend: Stop lying around on the couch all day.
Me: But you said we needed to start conserving energy.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Somehow stumbled upon a nude beach. .
Yeah, found myself in the middle of no wear.
@PS_IRuddYou: Me: Dad, am I adopted?
Dad: Shit, like I'd have picked you?