@llvvzz: Top three perverts that see you when you're sleeping:
@GrantTanaka: sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic
@FrogAvalanche: *live news report
- You survived a fall of thousands of feet...
- Parachute failed?
- Parachute? Haha. No. It was raining centipedes.
@shkeeber: Things safer than flying Malaysia Airlines:
-Live cobra condoms
-Roman candle tampons
@envydatropic: They say diffusing essential oils can help relieve stress.........THEY DON'T TELL YOU THAT YOU GET STRESSED OUT FIGURING OUT WHAT ONES!
@fart: if cops want to catch serial killers why don't they just hang out at petsmart and follow home the guys that buy tarantulas