@ajvaage: Toronto Police have found a head, hands, and a foot in a river. There are no theories yet but the hokey pokey has not been ruled out.
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@WilliamAder: I've been hearing noises in the house for a while now and while Twitter was down last night I discovered I have a wife!
@illuminatedwndr: AA MEETING Chairman: Please, introduce yourself Eminem: Hi! My name is.. C: What? E: My name is.. C: Who? E: Hi! My name is.. C: Huh?
@TattleTSister: I can never understand why people act surprised when horrible things happen. Where have you been since birth?