@ajvaage: Toronto Police have found a head, hands, and a foot in a river. There are no theories yet but the hokey pokey has not been ruled out.
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@NourhanKheir: I believe in ten years, gifts for newly born baby would be a SIM card and a cell phone.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old daughter: I don't like my princess shoes with the heels. Me: Do they hurt your feet? 5-year-old: I can't run from zombies.
@Travon: Flight attendant: "will you perform exit row duties in the event of an emergency?" Me: "yes" In my head: "No we're all gonna die"
@Brampersandon_: WAITER: Would you like the usual, Mr Smith? MR SMITH: *all smugly* Do birds fly? *Penguin at the next table slams down his menu*