@_The_Man__: I replaced the glass in my bathroom windows so the tree outside can see exactly what I do with toilet paper.
You know what paper is? I yell
@coketruck76: Me: I'm into fitness
Trainer: not again
M: fitness whole pizza in my mouth
T: you should go
M: this isn't going to "workout"
T: LEAVE NOW
@NervousJr: Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren't a thing.
@FeelingEuphoric: [SEXTING]
ME: tell me what you like
HER: I really get off on exhibitionism
ME: OK, cool, weird that museums turn you on but cool
@omgthatspunny: Cinderella was thrown off the basketball team because she ran away from the ball.
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