@McNevich: Total shocker that you actually have to pay for things when you get to the register. Go ahead and dump your purse on the counter. We'll wait
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@Wakenbake77: Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there's a cop hiding in the bushes
@realHamOnWry: My nephew asked, 'Do you have a New Years hangover today?' I said, 'No. Hangovers are for people who stop drinking'.
@seandunn76: 4 in 3 people have syphilis. Look to your left. Look to your right. One of you has syphilis twice.
@ibid78: Probably the hardest part about being a dj is when you get into a fight and you gotta hold your headphones up to your ear with one shoulder.