@botandy: totally non-alarming text to receive from child's school
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@k8ieokay: Hey, did you guys know you can do just about anything if you use asterisks? *rides T-Rex off into the sunset*
@QwertyJones3: [doctor hooking wires to my chest] ME: What are you doing? DOC: Echocardiogram ME: cardiogram cardiogram cardiogram this is a weird test
@HomeProbably: Instead of just answering the phone when it rings, I prefer to wonder why the hell someone's calling me and glare at it until it goes away.