@botandy: totally non-alarming text to receive from child's school
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@JasonLastname: 1. have a child 2. never mention it on facebook 3. dress it in old-timey clothes and have it stand in the background of all your photos
@smithsara79: *4-yr old niece tells me about trip to Empire State Building Her: It's so tall, I almost touched the moon! Me: Oh you are so full of shit!
@AtticusFinch79: [bakery] Him: This wedding cake is perfect for us! Look at all of the tiers! Me: Definitely not happy tears Him: What? Me: What?
@MsSkarsgaard: Him: I'll kill anyone that tries to come near you. Me: Oh, that's sweet babe but do you think you could you leave the Cinnabon samples guy alone?