@botandy: totally non-alarming text to receive from child's school
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@shadygeekdad: DM: This person is writing offensive posts about you. ME: Oh cool, you follow my wife! Tell her I said hi!
@nealbrennan: I hope the bomber suspect is made of green screen so we can all project our most feared skin color onto him.
@iGreenMonk: She:I'm furious with my son He's playing Doctor with Neighbor's daughter He:Its curiosity about sex She:Sex? He's taken her appendix out
@seandunn76: "Oh boy, what a day of having sex with real women," I yell too loud while passing my microwave.