@Ooft_Headshot: Toy Story has resulted in me not being able to throw away my childhood toys in case they get depressed and want to kill themselves.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@theroneman: Captain: You’re suspended. Turn in ur badge and gun. [he does, but immediately grows a new badge and gun] Godammit, u were born to be a cop.
@Marlebean: 4: Mommy, you're just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend. Me: Aww! Sure! 4:You can be the Beast. Me: ... 4: Or the fat sea witch!
@hipchkk: The true irony in Taylor Swift singing about feeling 22 at age 23 is that I want to hit her in the face with a cast iron skillet.
@AsiaDMO: The worst thing about insomnia is discovering all the new hours of the day that you're hungry.