@TheTweetOfGod: Traditional marriage was between a boy's parents and a girl's parents. And maybe some cattle.
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@heroinsdemise: I always wonder how Men managed to find entire continents. Mine can't even find the butter in the fridge.
@bobvulfov: turn-ons: • eye contact • people who pay attention to me • people who know how to push my buttons • oh god im a television • how did this h―
@UncleDuke1969: Son: Dad, is cousin Billy a mosquito? Me: In Alabama? S: Yeah. M: Of course not. Why do you ask? S: Mom said he was the product of insects.
@AndrewNadeau0: [After leaving Willy Wonka’s factory] ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: ME: WIFE: Lot of deaths for a to— ME: A LOT of deaths for a tour!