@TheTweetOfGod: Traditional marriage was between a boy's parents and a girl's parents. And maybe some cattle.
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@ShortSleeveSuit: Girl: I like good boys Me [trying to impress her]: *shapeshifts into a pack of smiley golden retrievers*
@ShortSleeveSuit: [at Starbucks] Barista: Coffee? Me: Yes, a medium please Coffee: I'm strongly sensing the presence of your great grand aunt Lucille
@jake_lach: My dealer texts to ask if I'm straight and I'm not even sure how that's relevant to our arrangement
@Mikecanrant: 1) Open a Kinkos style office supply store in Bel Air 2) Name it Fresh Prints 3) Make millions 4) Move to West Philadelphia