@LaetPO: Tragic News: Plane carrying Donald Trump underwent massive turbulence, lost engine power, stalled, but landed safely.
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@carlyken: [airport security] *BEEP* Ma'am, step through again *BEEP* Nice try pal, I'm not removing my Slayer shirt Ma'am, please it's too much metal
@PaperWash: Commissioner: we'll need to stay in touch Batman: ok Commissioner: this stealth communication device will- Batman: LETS USE A GIANT SKY LAMP
@ArrogantBB8: *hears your text message notification beep* *constantly imitates it so you check your phone for no reason*
@LurkAtHomeMom: Fitness tip: It's absolutely crucial to take "rest days" when working out so you don't get hurt. I've recently taken over 300 of them.