@TheNardvark: TRAIN TIP: A few minutes before the train arrives at your destination, get up and crowd around the exit so you can wait faster.
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@Th3BadGuy__: I asked a girl to kiss me under a mistletoe and she said she wouldn't kiss me under anesthesia.
@robfee: If you watch The Blindside backwards, Sandra Bullock becomes so disappointed in her black son that she abandons him on the side of the road.
@BuckyIsotope: "I'm in international waters, your damn laws can't touch me" I scream to the police as I dog paddle naked in my neighbors swimming pool.
@slimmy_shady: Co-worker: My husband & I are praying for a baby. Me: You know that's not how you get 1, right? You gotta have sex. What does HR want now?