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@DLin71: Transcript of Paul Ryan’s life since endorsing Trump
@Elizasoul80: "I see you've been eating whatever you want and not exercising." -Clothes
@rickkondell: The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher.
@sarcasticmommy4: I tried that whole "if you love something, set it free" thing but my kids are still here.
@heykarlin: Gotta be tough for the guy somewhere who has to say "yeah, she left me for Charles Manson."
@wickedimproper: Every time "Cops" comes on I'm like "PLEASE don't show my episode."