@Bandersnaaatch: Trapped on a train in the snow, and honestly, none of these people look appetizing.
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@AristotlesNZ: Hi. We noticed you Googled "How do I keep IT from seeing my browser history" yesterday at 3:21pm. How'd that work out for you?
@Pickles5366: Friend's Fb post: In search of a coat hanger My comment: Are you pregnant or are you locked out of your car? I've been on Twitter too long
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: You should cut the grass. Me: Yes, dear. W: And, you really need to trim that bush. M: *mumbles* Yeah, you too. W: What? M: Yes, dear.
@kumailn: "Forget our mess. I'll go into the beauty of the natural world." *Planet Earth 2. 100 snakes swarm iguana baby* "I'll go back to the news."