@Bandersnaaatch: Trapped on a train in the snow, and honestly, none of these people look appetizing.
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@gojarbe: [gun goes off] [every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race] ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway
@TheTweetOfGod: Inside everybody there's a still, small voice seeking to guide them on their journey through life. It was put there by the CIA.
@JamieGreenlees: I thought it was impossible to do 450 push ups in a minute until I discovered lying
@TheAlexNevil: 6 was jealous about other kids getting notes in their lunches, so I put one in his: "Sorry, I ate your pudding. Love, Dad."