@TumbIrHumor: trash can
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@MrBob_52: First week of my diet I gained 3 pounds. However, I found out if I stand further away from the mirror I look thinner.
@iamspacegirl: [answering door on halloween] NEIGHBORHOOD MOM: please stop giving the children hamsters ME *hands full of hamsters*: but it's Halloween
@jbillinson: "Yes Mr. Trump, I took Joe's pocket knife away and we'll get you some new tires for that limo right away, but I can't make him say sorry"
@RamblingMachine: If I had a dollar for every time I fell for a tweeter instead of a real person, I could pay for the psychiatric help I obviously need.