@trayofcheese: Travel tip: If you’re gonna have a double Bloody Mary at the airport, remember to bring $17,000.
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@Home_Halfway: BARISTA: I have an order for...God? Is there a God? [no one answers] ATHEIST: Haha told ya GOD: *exiting bathroom* Sorry I'm here ATH: Shit
@zarascottio: Don't judge me for my race, don't judge me for my gender. Judge me because I've read all four of the Twilight books.
@BonaFideIntent: Watching a Kristin Stewart movie. She's being CHASED by ppl who want her DEAD. The CHEESE STICK I'm holding has a more frightened expression
@Book_Krazy: Me: I'll take 'Marriage' for 800 Alex Alex: Having one wife too many Me: What is bigamy Alex: Nooo. We were looking for, what is monogamy