@badtweetist: *travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history's greatest monster*
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@MarlaCaceres: Give a toddler a crayon and he will eat that crayon. Teach him how to color and he will eat more crayons.
@slimmy_shady: Homeless man asked me if I could 'spare some change'. I told him 'change comes from within'. Long story short, I'm missing a kidney.
@MollySneed: I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems.