@badtweetist: *travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history's greatest monster*
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@Naggalie: I ordered a coffee and the barista asked what size. I told her size didn't matter. We laughed. Then she gave me an extra large coffee.
@Tups13: As a cat burglar most of my late night break-ins are actually well orchestrated attempts to pet other peoples animals.
@loribuckmajor: Wrapping gifts and one kid has more than the other so to even it up I hope she likes this bag of potatoes.