@CallMeDraper: Treadmills should just have one big button that says "Make Me Look Good Naked."
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@Reverend_Scott: Police: We'd like u to come with us to answer some questions about ur husband's disappearance. Mrs. Potato Head eating french fries: why?
@joci2203: "Mommy when I grow up, I want to be a shoe" -straight up killin' it at this parenting thing
@2tickytacky: Lemon is supposedly a good diuretic. I ate a quart of lemon pudding and nothing is happening.