@CallMeDraper: Treadmills should just have one big button that says "Make Me Look Good Naked."
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@BobTheSuit: [Job interview] -Are you going to just keep spinning around in that chair? Sorry. I didn't think we started yet.
@snowmedia: I sure hope skinny jeans are still in fashion. After all the calories I consumed over the holidays that's what all my pants are now.
@AndrewChamings: genie: are you sure? me: just do it *my dog winks and gives me a fist bump for the third time*
@naazihah: Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses. Me: I have contacts. Cop: I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one.