@ipalatsky: Treat your guests like family, so they don't stay too long.
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@lisaxy424: My mom texted me asking what "DTF" meant and I told her "Dedicated To Family"...I seriously can't wait for her to use it.
@slimmy_shady: When I was having an affair with twins, people used to ask how I told them apart. Well, Sue had brown eyes and Steve had a moustache.
@Scdavis24: My mom always says "Alcohol is your enemy!" Jesus says, "Thou shalt love thy enemy."