@Kyle_Lippert: Treat your woman like a princess. Spice up your relationship & have her kidnapped. Then do mushrooms & swim through the sewers to find her.
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@BlotterMonkey: Having kids is like being at a press conference: "No, you can't put the dog in the washer - next question." "No, you can't really fly -next"
@InternetHippo: What should we call this giant advertising board? PHIL: A philboard BILL: I have a better idea
@littlekitnerboy: If there's one thing that Twitter has taught me its that all the weird kids in school eventually find each other.
@outsmartedmommy: The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.