@Dawn_M_: Trees put cats in their hair so they can flirt with firefighters when they climb up them.
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@Beerhaze: Neighbour mowed his lawn at 6am... Logic dictates that I should get drunk in the backyard tonight and try to learn to play the didgeridoo.
@TheLOLYBible: "But Lot's wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt, and Lot was like 'wtf' " Genesis 19:26
@TheQuietPsycho: CW: if you repeatedly see a cardinal, it's the spirit of a loved one. I think that's my mom Me: that's nice. Your mom just shit on that guy
@dshack8: Anyone who's ever stood in a busy McDonald's line at 10:29am not knowing what to get has been closer to getting murdered than they realize.