@DeanOkay: Trick people into thinking you're a doctor by turning off taps with your elbows
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@bazecraze: Donald Trump was born when someone put a pinkie ring in a bag of Cheetos and left it in a lightning storm.
@chrisdelia: Me: *Asks question on snapchat* Them: *Answers question on snapchat* Me: "Wait, what did I ask again?"
@shopkins776: Always take one positive friend & one negative friend on road trips. Then if your battery dies, you can hook cables to them & start your car
@SamGrittner: Daniel Day-Lewis is so method that in preparation for the role of Abraham Lincoln in 'Lincoln' he spent ten months on the side of a penny.