@DeanOkay: Trick people into thinking you're a doctor by turning off taps with your elbows
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@AndyAsAdjective: *bolts upright in bed, instantly wide awake in the middle of the night* "FIRE TRUCKS SHOULD BE CALLED WATER TRUCKS"
@MavenofHonor: On some level I've always known that caterpillars drink dewdrops. But I never sat down to think about it while crossing the street before.
@o__0Dev: Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he’s being told where to deliver the ransom money.