@TheSepticHermit: Tried belly dancing but ended up looking like an insect about to die.
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@tastefactory: Cop: Save it for the JUDGE! Crook:Ok *crook wraps up last slice of pizza in foil* Lawyer: it's too bad the judge had to miss our pizza party
@ArfMeasures: [Me as a hairdresser] ME: What do u think of your haircut HER: I need more volume ME [leans in too close] WHAT DO U THINK OF YOUR HAIRCUT
@ericsshadow: ME: have you seen my keys? WIFE: check your pockets ME: nope [phone rings] ME: hello? CIA: check your other pocket
@NuryVittachi: WIFE: So, is Elon Musk an alien from another galaxy? ME: Nah, an alien would have a name made of random human sounds. Wait