@QueenKillerBee: Tried my hand at this whole 'cougar' business but I just don't like the taste of hikers. It's possible I read the wrong Wikipedia page.
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@LurkAtHomeMom: One alternative to having kids is to hire two people to sit in your car and start a loud argument every time your favorite song comes on.
@jjhartinger: A telemarketer called and said,"can I speak with the man of the house." I replied, "sure" and gave the phone to the cat.
@BCMontgo: What's the issue officer? Officer: You have no idea why I pulled you over? I have some ideas, but would like to hear your opinion first.
@WilliamAder: I spend an awful lot of time picking the most desirable potato chips out of the bag for someone who's going to eat them all anyway.