@eric10F: Tried to pick a booger off my phone screen. Ended up calling my mom, signing up for AOL and getting an online degree in refrigerator repair
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@WheelTod: I failed a history exam, stood-up my girlfriend and accidentally bought a packet of figs today because I'm terrible with dates.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: [texting] Him: What’re you doing Me: Watching a chicken strip H: Why don’t you just eat it M: BECAUSE SHE’S BUSY DANCING, TODD
@JoParkerBear: It's like my Grandma always says, "I died three years ago. This is starting to get weird."
@BradBroaddus: I overheard my neighbor tell someone on the phone that I was creepy. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under the bed & confronted her.