@Ideal_Victoria: *tries to discreetly wipe up my spilled drink with your cat*
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@QwertyJones3: [Me as an Italian language translator] Police: Ask him where the money is hidden. Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino.
@ibid78: [God waking up with a hangover] last night was a blur. Whose prayers did I answer? [sees Trump leading in the polls] uh oh