@sixfootcandy: *tries to impress date by eating spaghetti with a straw*
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@lovemydogduck: My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
@Dr_awfulpants: [Spelling Bee] -Your word is phlegm -Can you use it in a sentence? *loudly clears throat for 5 minutes*
@GoodZiIIa: doctor: your body is weak. take care of it mobster: got it [later, gun to his chest] mobster: doctor sends his regards
@jazmasta: [speaking to a guy who looks nothing like Ed Sheeran] "Hey man, do people ever say you look like Ed Sheeran?" "No" "Didn't think so"