@CornOnTheGoblin: [tries to walk into my How to Use a Revolving Door class and ends up outside again] what the heck
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@ch000ch: ME, TEXTING MY CRUSH: have any plans tonight? HER: no not yet!! i'm totally free and available ME: ok well have a good night whatever u do
@ahoytheboat: my criminal record is only clean because of how fast i can run with my pants around my ankles.
@mikejanson2: Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A: You look for the fresh prints! I'll show myself out y'all
@FrenulumBreve: "hello pretty lady." [i slide down the bar] "what's your name?" i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye.