@SpacemanQuisp: Trouble brewing at Symphony Hall. It's the bottom of Beethoven's 9th, and the bassists are loaded.
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@bea_ker: GUY POSING FOR THE SCREAM PAINTING: Are you done? Let me see EDVARD MUNCH: You look great GUY: Let me see EDVARD MUNCH: No
@WilliamRodgers: [Bruce Willis on his deathbed] Bruce: Viagra! Dr: Bruce this isn't the time- Bruce: Give me...a Viagra! Dr: Ok *Bruce Dies...Hard*
@fro_vo: Angel: welcome to heaven Me: holy shit Angel: ooh you swore get out Devil: welcome to hell Me: holy shit Devil: ugh u said holy get out
@Gooooats: Me: you're going to bed in 5 minutes. Toddler: No. Twenty minutes! Me: Ok. *puts him to bed in 2 minutes because he has no concept of time*