@AntozWolf: True friendship is when you walk into someone's house, and your WiFi connects automatically..
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@GrantTanaka: me: [banging head on wall] wife: honey is something wrong me: [sobbing] I'M A SHITTY WOODPECKER
@david8hughes: So my dog's pregnant & she's never been in contact with another dog & I'm having a lot of accusations thrown my way.
@Go2Slp: How to sports: - Take a ball - Put it someplace someone else doesn't want you to put it - Congratulations you've now sportsed